The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution: Gentle Ways to Make Good-bye Easy from Six Months to Six Years by Elizabeth Pantley

Author:Elizabeth Pantley [Pantley, Elizabeth]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: 0071596909
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

You can also purchase a tiny toy bunny and allow your child to

keep it with him when he is away from you. A key-chain bunny,

a bunny bracelet, or a small stuffed rabbit can be used as a visible

reminder to rely on the Quiet Bunny method when he feels worried.

Teach Relaxed Breathing with the Bubble Maker

In times of nervousness it is common for a child’s breathing to

become shallow and irregular; she often breathes through her mouth

instead of her nose. This then intensifi es the feeling of being out

of control and increases anxiety. (Think about that shallow, quick

mouth breathing that children often do right before crying.) Teach-

ing your child to recognize this sign and coaching her on a way to

regulate her breathing can help her gain control in a situation that is

making her nervous.

First, explain to your child that this rapid, shallow breathing is a

sign of feeling worried or scared. Tell her that it is something she can

learn to control. Demonstrate how this kind of breathing looks, and

let her try it so she knows how it feels. Then explain that she can

make her breathing slower and more relaxed, and this will help her feel

better.

No-Cry Solutions for Preschool and School-Age Children 75

A good way to teach relaxed breathing is to tell her to pretend she

is blowing bubbles through a bubble wand—you can even use a real

bubble wand to teach her the skills. Your explanation might sound

something like this:

“ When you get scared or worried, your breathing might get funny—

like you’ve been running [demonstrate breathing in and out rapidly

though your mouth]. This kind of breathing can make you more

scared. When you notice that you are breathing like that, you can

change it. You can pretend you have a bubble wand, and you are

going to blow colorful bubbles. You take a breath in through your

nose and gently blow the air out through your mouth to make bub-

bles fl oat in the air. These bubbles are like magic because they can

help you feel more relaxed.”

Encourage Independent Play

If your child is happily playing alone, don’t feel that you must get

involved. It’s a good thing for your little one to have some play-alone

time. This gives her confi dence and demonstrates that she is able to

be her own good company. You are not being neglectful if you leave

your child to her own devices at times—you are being smart and

thoughtful when you allow her some of this independence-building,

solo playtime.

Mother-Speak

“Once I started paying attention, I was surprised at how often I

imposed myself into Brandy’s playtime. I meant well. I wanted

to show her I was proud of her for playing on her own but

realized that my peeking into her room and complimenting

her on her independence were actually reinforcing her need

for my presence, just in a different way. Now when I hear her

playing alone, I leave her to enjoy the time.”

—Barb, mother of fi ve-year-old Brandy

76 The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution

Be Aware of Things That Infl uence Anxiety

If your child has new stressors to deal with, you may see an increase

in separation anxiety, even if it doesn’t seem related.

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